What I have learned about stress

I was chatting with a friend over the weekend when the conversation inevitably veered towards work. We were talking about dealing with pressure and how being able to manage stress, like many things, comes with a certain amount of experience.

Then, she said something which hit the nail on the head.

“At some stage, you will realise you’re struggling to manage the amount of stress you’re under with how well you actually perform in your job.”

Essentially meaning, while most people will be performing well at work, getting compensated fairly and doing everything to the best of their ability, they’ll probably feel more stressed than they’ve ever felt before – and theywon’t know how to deal with it.

My friend reckoned this overwhelming feeling of stress is simply a stepping stone on the experience ladder, and once you’ve been in a job for a certain amount of time, you come to see that you do actually know how to deal with certain stressful situations better than you thought.

Or as she put it: “Now, there’s almost no scenario at work that I can’t figure out how to overcome or fix in my head. I feel like I’ve been exposed to enough experience with stress that I know how to deal with each situation.”

It got me thinking – is this the key to overcoming stress? Does stress management, like everything else in your career, take as long to learn and understand as other hard and soft skills on the job?

Because I don’t think we tend to think about stress as being something that we can learn from and actively overcome. We tend to think of stress as an inevitable symptom of other things, and tell ourselves things like:

• “Things are always busy at the beginning of the year, I’ll feel less stressed when things at work calm down.”

• “But I’m a [enter career choice]. It’s a stressful job, and that’s just the way it is.”

While tolerance of workplace stress is diminishing and companies are placing a stronger emphasis on the mental and physical health of their employees, my friend’s comment really got me thinking about how we can actively help ourselves learn from the stressful situations we find ourselves in.

So, I came up with a few points in my head last night:

1. When you have come out the other side of a stressful task or situation, take some time to identify what made it so stressful

Sometimes, it could be because you weren’t prepared enough, while other times it might be something actually out of your control. If it was something out of your control, can you be prepared for something like that to happen again?

2. Realise you have more ideas about how to fix stressful situations than you think, and that there’s always someone you can reach out to for help. Always.

A conversation towards the end of last week made me realise it’s easy to become an office martyr. Set aside the “woe is me” mentality and actually identify that you’re in your role because you, deep down, know how to control your environment and make it work for you.

Sure, sometimes you need someone to remind you of that – so make sure you chat to that person or mentor when you’re feeling snowed under.

3. Identify your knee-jerk reactions to stressful situations and actively put a stop to them

Maybe your immediate reaction is to become sullen and negative, or perhaps you turn to food to ‘eat your feelings’. Whatever it might be, it’s probably not going to be a step in a positive direction to understanding where the anxiety comes from.

I know it sounds clichéd, but go for a walk to clear your head, go for a run, or just smile and maintain a sunny disposition – because pretending to be happy will actually trick you in legitimately feeling like you’re okay. And then you can work out the reasons behind your stress.

4. Put yourself in a situation outside of work that you know will make you forget the stress, at least for a while

This weekend, I spent a day hanging out with a couple of my best friends and their beautiful babies. While I appreciate that’s not everyone’s idea of a good time, it’s pretty impossible for me to feel stressed when surrounded by cute kids who think you’re awesome. (Hint: this also works with puppies and kittens.)

Whatever that ‘happy trigger’ is for you, do it more often than not. It will help you put your concerns into perspective and see a bigger picture.

I feel like this revelation has already started to help me – so I hope it has the same effect for you and your staff.

Image: Shutterstock