Have no fear, Super Sab is here

We’ve all had days where we wished there were two – or maybe even three – of us. Who wouldn’t agree that being in three places at one time would be an amazing superpower to have?

Today has been one of those days for me, which then got me thinking about superpowers I wished I had to make me a more effective employee.

So between thinking up a superhero name (I’m really inclined towards Super Sab although Ultra Sab sounds pretty cool, too), I’ve come up with a few superpowers which would be useful in the office:

Auto-pilot modeImagine all the times I can rest my eyes and write feature articles at once. Talk about multi-tasking!

Sleep meetingHow cool would it be if I could pay 100% attention to meeting while asleep?

Bladder of steelI really believe I would be 15% more productive if I could still drink three mugs of coffee a day and the required eight glasses of water a day, without having to take a pee break.

Reading a book just by touching itThink of it as knowledge osmosis. Think of it as the future.

Food osmosisWhile we’re at it, imagine how much time I could save if I could absorb my lunch through my skin. I’d be a human hagfish!

Refill a coffee mug just by looking at itI'm really, really hoping that super bladder superpower works now.

Change the colour of my pen’s ink at willMind mapping and brain storming will never be the same again.

The ability to erase ink from wallsWhat’s the point of having colourful mind maps if I can’t draw them on the walls?

Mess eliminatorMy desk isn’t the neatest spot in the world (hey, a messy desk indicates a creative mind … right?) so reorganising everything in neat piles at the snap of a finger would be pretty darn cool.

Invisibility, obviouslyNo one can disturb or distract you if they don’t know where you are.

Predicting exactly what time each meeting is going to endBringing military precision to time management.

Telekinesis – but only for print-outsThe ability to move things with my mind seems like a pretty great power to have and I’m not sure I’m ready for that level of awesome. However, I wouldn’t complain if my telekinetic powers were limited to picking up my print outs and levitating them over to my desk.

Super memoryAs a journalist, it would be fantastic if I would remember every fact, every name, every definition, every interview I’ve ever conducted and everything else. Goodbye all the times I stared blankly into the horizon, thinking, “What is that word describing a chatty person which starts with ‘F’?!” (Answer: Flibbertigibbet)

Mind readingAlso known as the “bull**** detector”. I’d like to think I have honed this skill a fair bit in my time as a journalist, but it would be cool if my skin tingled or my nose twitched every time someone tries to pull a fast one on me.

Annoy people into submissionI feel like this is one skill I’ve nearly got down to a tee, but there’s always room for improvement.

I’d love to hear what you think about my superpowers, and maybe even add some of your own, below.