Self-care isn't always a spa day: What I've learnt about showing up for myself

"One of the biggest lessons I've learnt is that self-care is less about perfection, and more about consistency. Small habits repeated over time often have a greater impact than the ocassional grand gesture," Priya Sunil reflects.

Every now and then, it is good for us to pause and ask a simple question: How have I been taking care of myself?

For a long time, I thought self-care had to look a certain way. It had to be productive. It had to involve expensive skincare, a perfectly planned day out, my favourite spin class on a Saturday morning, or finally reading that book I received as a gift two years ago.

But somewhere along the way, I realised I was making self-care feel like another item on an already overflowing to-do list.

The truth is, self-care has become much quieter. It is saying no without feeling guilty. It is closing my laptop when the workday ends. It is choosing rest over productivity when my body is asking for it. It is making time to catch up with people who leave me feeling lighter.

Sometimes, it is even simply sitting with a cup of tea, in complete silence and my cat by my side, before the day begins.

I've also learnt that self-care looks different in every season of life. There are weeks when I have the energy to exercise regularly, meal prep, and write in my diary (yes, I'm old school). Then there are weeks when getting enough sleep and drinking enough water feels like an achievement. Both versions are okay.

One of the biggest lessons I've learnt is that self-care is less about perfection, and more about consistency. Small habits repeated over time often have a greater impact than the occasional grand gesture.

Here are a few reminders I keep coming back to:

#1 Protect your energy as much as your time

We often talk about managing our schedules, but we rarely think about managing our energy. Pay attention to what leaves you feeling inspired, calm, or fulfilled – and what consistently drains you. While we can't always avoid stressful situations, we can become more intentional about creating moments that help us recharge.

#2 Rest is productive too – please don't discount it!

Somewhere along the way, many of us started believing that every free moment should be spent achieving something. I've learnt that stepping away and just taking time to breathe often makes me a better person – whether as a sister, daughter, friend, colleague, manager, or journalist. So, I share a humble reminder to us all: rest isn't the opposite of productivity; it's what makes sustainable productivity possible.

#3 Stop waiting for the "perfect time"

Is there really a perfect time to take care of ourselves? It's easy to convince ourselves that there is – and that we will start looking after ourselves after that pressing deadline, after the busy season, or after life settles down. But life rarely slows down on its own.

Sometimes, self-care simply means carving out 15 minutes today instead of promising yourself a whole day off next month.

#4 You don't need to compare yourself to that one influencer on social media

Social media has a way of making everyone else's routines look effortless. But guess what – your version of self-care does not have to resemble anyone else's. If going for a run energises you, great! If reading, writing, cooking, gaming, painting, or simply taking a nap helps you recharge, that's equally valid.

The goal is not to have the most aesthetic self-care routine. It is to find what genuinely helps you feel like yourself again. 

#5 Be kinder to yourself

This is perhaps the hardest lesson of all. We are often our own toughest critics. We notice every mistake, every missed goal, every unfinished task.

But growth doesn't happen through constant self-criticism. It happens when we allow ourselves the same compassion we would so readily offer someone else.

If there's one thing I've learnt, it's that looking after yourself is not selfish. It's what allows you to keep showing up – for your work, your loved ones, and the life you're trying to build. A timely reminder of this, that sits on my desk, is a quote-card given by my colleague: 

"Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what's left of you."

Katie Reed, mental health advocate and writer

The HRO Content team's favourite forms of self-care

One of my favourite things about self-care is that there's no universal formula. What helps one person recharge may not work for someone else.

So, to commemorate International Self-care Day (Friday, 24 July), I asked my teammates to share one self-care habit or ritual they genuinely enjoy – and why it matters to them. Here's what they have to say:

Tracy Chan:

My favourite form of self-care is emptying my mind, especially after a long and exhausting day.

With everyday hustle and bustle – whether from work or personal commitments – our minds can easily become overwhelmed, making it difficult to identify what truly matters and notice the signals our bodies are sending us.

Creating space for my mind to simply switch off and embrace moments of quiet, helps me clear away the mental clutter, reconnect with myself, tune into my inner voice, and gain clarity on my priorities. More often than not, I come away feeling refreshed and re-energised, with new ideas and perspectives that I might never have discovered amidst all the noise.

Emily Chong-Gupta:

My favourite form of self-care is to sit at home, relax, eat snacks, or play my piano (which I have neglected for a few months), watch my husband playing with son (close, but not too close so I can still have my peace!), and having my dog closeby. While playing music that I like - something that is not a children's song for once!

Sarah Gideon:

My favourite form of self-care is hitting a gym session at least twice a week after work, and dedicating my nights to myself and my family, at home, with dinner together and a feel-good TV show/movie. Afterwards, I do some colouring to decompress from the day, and journal.

On the weekends, I try to keep active in the mornings, with a walk around the neighbourhood, and meeting friends for brunch!

Umairah Nasir:

With a rather packed schedule juggling work and school, I have learnt that making time for myself is just as important as staying productive. My favourite forms of self-care are going for a pilates class, jogging at the park near my house, or simply putting on a face mask at night.

Those quiet moments help me slow down, clear my mind, and just be present. It is my way of recharging before taking on everything again.

Aditi Sharma Kalra:

One of the things I do for my self-care and wellbeing is to take a breather and remember to think before I react to anything. I try not to create panic or anxiety in others or myself, by focusing on the situation at hand, and trying to find solutions. Often, taking a walk or sleeping on a problem helps more than you realise!

This also helps me to try and be a good role model for others, by giving them the assurance that anything is possible if we have a plan.

And mine? As a water baby, I love being close to water - so my favourite form of self-care is to sit by the water, music and phone-free, just taking in my surroundings and letting my thoughts flow. 

As we mark International Self-care Day, perhaps the best place to start is not by asking, "What's the best self-care routine?". Instead, ask yourself: "What's one small thing I can do today that my future self will thank me for?"

It doesn't have to be big. It just has to be yours. :)