Apologising seems to be the rage at the moment. Just flip through the papers or tune in to the radio - there is always someone apologising. I am sorry for the prisoner abuses in Abu Ghraib. I am sorry for executing an innocent man. I am sorry for the oil tanker spill.
True, to err is only human. We occasionally make mistakes but an apology means more than a mere "I'm sorry." If you apologise and think that everything is settled by then, you are mistaken.
Why do we apologise? Try to remember the time you drew stick figures on the wall and found yourself weeping and apologising to your parents. You admit and accept that you have done something wrong and own up. By doing so, you make amends and earn forgiveness.
Apologising may be seen as a sign of weakness. However, if both parties refuse to budge, tension and anger can elevate to the point where a relationship becomes irreparable. Apologising once you see the error of your ways is a sign of strength and shows that you are willing to restore a damaged relationship to health.
Jay Rayner, author of The Apologist, also claims that apologies can be for your own good. By making up for your own misconduct and gaining forgiveness, you free yourself from guilt, regret and unhappiness. You become a better person.
It is impossible to lead a life without saying a harsh word or making silly blunders, but you can and should limit the harm you cause. No need for big gestures or hand-delivered roses. Just mean it when you say sorry and learn from your mistakes.
How to best say you're sorry
- 1. Recognise the pain you may have caused others with full empathy
- 2. Review actions by describing what wrong you have done
- 3. Express sorrow
- 4. Accept penalty
- 5. Make a promise not to repeat the behaviour
- 6. Ask for forgiveness
- 7. Keep your promise
Source: Kelly Patrick Gerling, Apologising as a path to forgiveness, The Spinal Column.
