Q&A: George Kohlrieser
On managing conflict within the organisation
What is conflict and how can we manage it?
According to a survey by the American Management Association, managers typically spend at least 24% of their time managing conflict.
Conflicts are the life-blood of performing organisations. Disputes, disagreements and diverse points of view about strategy and implementation create energy, change, creativity and help form strongly bonded teams in full alignment.
But if conflicts are not properly managed, the result is win-lose, the process can undermine teams and can damage mutual respect, engagement and trust.
Conflict management is understanding where the difference is between people or groups, recognising when conflict exists and what it does in the polarization that breaks the bond and the relationships.
Conflict does not have to fully exist if you are able to maintain a relationship with the other group or other individuals. The difficulty for most of the people in conflict management is not knowing how to keep the relationship strong during a disagreement to keep the dialogue going and find a common goal. If you find a common goal and you create a strong enough relationship, even if you don't like the person, you can find solutions to conflict.
What are some of the interests at stake?
There is your own self-interest, joint interest and the interest the other party has. When you are dealing with conflict, how do we find that common ground? Even if there are large differences, you are able to find a way to narrow those in such a way that you make concessions and you focus on where you agree, and let the other parts doesn't become so important because you see the common goal.
Doesn't this mean a compromise?
Yes. A good conflict manager means you make appropriate compromises and concessions. If you go into a conflict focusing on your wants, you are not going to be good at conflict management, nor will you be good at negotiation.
One good thing about Asia and Singapore is that you value the sense of respect and saving face. That is an advantage because you are able to build a relationship. But the weakness is a tendency not to put enough focus on putting the differences in the open. I refer to this as "putting the fish on the table". If every conflict were a fish under the table, it would start smelling and rotting. So good conflict leaders are able to raise an issue, work through the mess of sorting it out and find a mutually beneficial outcome. The important thing to remember is that we should not slap the other party in the face with the fish! We should be direct, engaging and respectful, always helping the other person ‘save face’.
In organisations, you have many top leaders who never really learned good conflict management. They think it is fighting for their own goal, so they are not able to make concessions. Or on the other spectrum, there are leaders who are too weak and do not push back enough. So HR has to be the mediator or representative who says, "Let's build relationships across the organisation." Then the silo-building and the tribal wars within the organisation stops.
But what can one do to manage conflict?
Before we manage conflict, we must manage ourselves. In the face of conflict, our natural reaction is either fight, flight or freeze. We can overcome this fear by mastering our emotions and focus. A tactic for doing this is to manage our focus in the mind’s eye, one of the brain’s most powerful mechanisms.
Our mind’s eye is shaped by experiences and choice, which determine the way we view the world and ultimately, determine success and failure in dealing with conflict. Many leaders in conflict situations are ‘hostages’ to their inner fears and other negative emotions and fail to see the opportunities in resolving them.
Research by professors Chris Neck and Charles Manz suggest that we can change the way we perceive a situation by creating an inner dialogue – telling ourselves to see something as an opportunity, not as an obstacle. It is a case of changing a half-empty glass to one that is half full – seeing the ‘adversary’ as a potential ally and moving towards the threatening person to build a bond by focusing on common goals.
Vital Stats:
George Kohlrieser is the the professor of leadership and organisational behaviour at IMD and author of Hostage at the Table. A former hostage negotiator in the US and international police force, Kohlrieser specalises in organisational development, conflict management, team-building, and stress management.
