In such panic-stricken downsizing times, cost-cutting masters are sparing no expense in making sure every non-essential spending is accounted for and then taken away. Sure, the usual cost containment measures such as reduced corporate travel, increased telecommuting, enforced overtime hours and more video conferences are already in place. But is that enough?
Companies need to employ more creative means to make the thankless working populace bend to their parsimonious will. For starters, I have come up with a list of innovative examples to help HR see where else could they possibly shave more money off from their budget. Or perhaps these crazy ideas will lead to the corporate cost-saving masterstroke you’ve been waiting to pull off.
So how can you tell if the recession is worsening for your company?
• The bottle of soap dispenser in your office pantry or washroom is constantly refilled to lengthen its cheap citrusy lifespan.
• Your office supply manager casually asks if you could bring a few more hotel pens back to the office whenever you attend a conference. Bottled water is equally welcomed.
• Your latest supply of business cards definitely feels thinner and lighter than usual but you have no way of comparing as you used up every last piece of business cards before reordering.
• The coffee dispenser has a permanent “Due for repair” sign hanging above it. And yet you hear coffee being dispensed whenever your boss shuffles into the pantry.
• Before you head into the washroom, you have to collect two squares of toilet paper from the office lady who seems to enjoy her newest responsibility a tad too much.
• Thankfully, weekly office bar night remains a permanent fixture. Except that drinks are no longer included.
• Staff appreciation lunches now come with a price. You pay for what you order.
• No more free filtered water dispenser in the office. It’s now delivered straight from Singapore’s finest – the good ol’ tap.
• Packets of Milo are being rationed out monthly. Which would be a shame because Milo can be a good comfort food, especially during times like this.
• No re-ordering paper clips, pens or batteries unless you can account for each of its usage.
• Secret Santa is now officially a corporate myth.
• Accidentally hitting the print key on an unimportant document sends HR running up the stairs demanding for the culprit’s 10 cents.
• The office washroom’s door has a “dark is the new black” sign before you enter.
• Whenever your boss says “step into my office”, you automatically head for the shared office space. Or better still, you just pop your head over the cubicle ledge.
• Your windowless office’s central A/C system automatically shuts off at 6pm sharp so dying for your craft takes a whole new meaning if you work late.
• In case of a broken computer, IT consultation requests should be made online to the 13-year old schoolboy in India.
• Cups, cutleries and drink stirrers for hot drinks are only available upon request. Even then, your application is subjected to conditions.
• Employees are trading contraband coffee and tea packets for photocopying paper.
• The office trash can is emptied daily but not the bin liner. The cleaning lady says we are doing our bit for the environment.
Lastly, you know everyone is suffering from the recession when at the end of a meeting, your business acquaintance looks at you knowingly and says, “Bus?”
The next thing we know, having a friendly cleaning lady to wash our dirty cups and plates might just be the last luxury we can have. Unless of course, the recession continues in its downward spiral. Then we might have to do away with the pantry all together.
But that is the interesting thing about these tough financial times. It shows us who people really are. For the most part, everyone is making a conscious effort to help their companies ride out the storm. Even though, it can be rough getting used to the more spartan corporate lifestyle. I suppose, deep down, none of us really want to see the sign “out of business” hanging on our office door.
That is until we have to start paying to send an email.
xielil@humanresourcesonline.net
